Frat stars don’t make resolutions. Why not? Because frat stars live the life of their dreams, and they don’t need to make a bullshit promise to improve what’s already the best. Cocky? Abso-fucking-lutely. The New Year doesn’t represent shit for a bro, only the fact that his liver survived another year of binge drinking, his dick hasn’t fallen off from the constant fucking, and his GPA has scratched the surface of satisfactory to keep him in college yet another year. Get the picture? Good. With that said, with every New Year comes a new semester, and most of all, a brand new pledge class. Welcome, spring pledges.
As previously stated, the turning of the calendar doesn’t represent anything more than a pat on the back for the fraternity. If the house stays erect, and the hazing allegations continue to be swept under the rug, life’s grand. The greatest Christmas gift the brotherhood can receive is yet another year of flipping the bird to society’s anti-hazing douchebags. Catch me if you can, dickheads. The brotherhood always wins. There’s no need for celebration, just the need to continue the glorious life that college has given us.
The fall pledges have done their deed, and it’s time for spring rush. It’s Christmas in January, and it’s oh-so heart-warming yet again. Our presents are neatly wrapped in a week of door-to-door joy. Naive college GDI’s make their way from frat house to frat house. It’s Halloween in January, yet those ringing on doors are begging to be hazed. Candy? Oh, we’ll give them candy alright.
Twice a year the fraternity recruits a new slew of pledges, both fall and spring. Both classes render different bitches in their personalities, yet both result in the same glorious hazing we all know and love. Depending on where you’re at, fall endures college football game-days and a warmer climate. Spring gets the shaft as the weather turns sour for most of their days, yet the weekends are tamer. The olden days recall stories of year-long pledgeship. Fuck that, we want a new batch twice a year, and we want to perfect our techniques. Agreed?
With that, enjoy the New Year. Let the bromance that is spring rush commence, and savor every minute. Watch their smiles fade as the days go by, and never feel the slightest form of guilt.