Pledgeship Withdrawals

Posted on 17 July 2013

It’s that time of the year. Trash-cans overflow, shit-stained toilets are rendered useless as toilet paper isn’t refilled. Dinner is uneventful as the brotherhood is forced to serve themselves. It’s a depressing time to say the least.

If you go without a drink of water for more than a day, you’re thirsty. It’s as simple as that. What does the brotherhood do without pledges? They suffer. It’s not pretty, it’s miserable. If there are learning lessons through this bleak time in absence of Santa’s little helpers, such lessons revolve around appreciation. Yet, like an alcoholic being deprived of beer, one’s tempers will certainly overflow in time. That being said, although summer is known to be a time of rest and reprieve, the brotherhood grows weary in their time of need.

 

Withdrawals?

 

You think we’re kidding, don’t you? No, we’re not all pompous assholes. There is a method to the pledgeship madness. There’s a reason behind all things fraternity-related. Let’s explain:

 

DUIDUIs:

The Brotherhood is used to pledges picking them up from the bar. Without them, they make poor decisions.

Sickness:

The Brotherhood is used to a clean environment, such as properly-washed dishes, clean ice-machines and the like. Without such a clean, positive influence, the Brotherhood engages in un-sanitary practices that can result in sickness.

Abortions:

The Brotherhood is used to condoms-on-call. Without them, brothers might attempt to pull-out. After a few drinks, this is easier said than done. As a result, shmish-shmorshons might come into play, and that’s just not a good time.

FuckedAbuse:

The Brotherhood is used to taking out their anger on those who sign up and accept such mental beatings. Is this a bad thing? No, it’s just the way it is. Without such a release, brothers might take out their pent-up anger, sexual tension, frustration or anything of the like on someone who does not deserve or understand such treatment.

At the end of the day, the Brotherhood just misses their way of life. Yes, college is amazing in every aspect, but why not allow pledgeship during the summer? Such valuable, wasted time that goes by. Think of the activities and tasks that could be accomplished when the Brotherhood has such a small class-load, or no classes at all! When you learn about supply and demand, this is a clear situation in which the market is not in equilibrium. And that’s a bunch of bullshit if you ask me.

 

It’s not hazing. It’s brotherhood.

 

 

PledgeMasterTitle

 

 

 

 

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2 Responses to “Pledgeship Withdrawals”

  1. PledgeMaster says:

    What do you miss most?

  2. ErickPike says:

    The thing I miss the most, is Protein shake pledge. My workouts just aren’t the same when I have to make my own shakes


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