Why We Haze

Posted on 02 February 2011

Society consists of an overwhelming amount of anti-hazing douche-bags. Wherever the pre-conceived notions came from, it’s pretty fucking obvious that the haters of hazing can be sourced back to GDI college life. Only those who have experienced all that pledgeship and brotherhood entails can truly comprehend the value and importance of hazing. We’re not talking about the pussy fraternities who choose to form unity through trust falls and guided reading programs. We’re talking about classic, Animal House fraternities. In our modern day-in-age, society throws roadblocks at our age-old system of unity. They just don’t understand why we haze…

So… why the fuck do we haze? It’s complicated, and can’t be answered with a cookie-cutter response. It’s a combination of a ton of reasons, explanations and theories. It’s like asking why Justin Bieber deserves to be punched in the face…there’s so many reasons. And can you really limit your answer to one sentence? Absolutely not. Here’s the breakdown as to why the brotherhood hazes during pledgeship.

Tradition

This might be the greatest reason for pledgeship. How many events, actions and ideas do we endure due to mere tradition? Countless… we just don’t realize it. Everything we do was once set by those before us. For the sake of tradition, hazing must continue. It has always been an art of the Greek community, and should never be relinquished. Letting go of tradition is a slippery slope that fraternities fight on a day-to-day basis. The louder someone bitches, the harder it is for tradition to be upheld.

Reality Check

When the day comes that a brother must enter the real world (fuck no…), life isn’t what it used to be. Entering your first job, you’re going to be the shit on the bottom of somebody’s shoe. Hazing parallels this time period. Pledgeship serves as a proper reality check for those who believe life will be a mere cake-walk. One must not forget their place; hazing serves as the ideal tool. Welcome to the real world, pledge.

Personality Transformation

Hazing is the greatest problem-solver there is. Too many young college students waltz into their university years with cockiness and an overwhelming attitude. It takes a few weeks of tough love to straighten them out. Hazing can turn a young man’s personality and disposition into a respectable nature. Agreed?

Unity

Growing up, your family serves the bond in your young life. That’s about to change. Pledgeship forces unity, and there’s no greater form of unity than perseverance through hardship. Without hazing, you and your pledge class wouldn’t bond, mold, or garner the relationships that are worthy of a fraternity. It’s all about unity.

Brotherhood Commonality

One of the over-riding reasons why fraternities are so close-knit involves the relationships that the brothers maintain with eachother. As gay as that sounds, it’s true. Pledgeship provides a commonality between all brothers. They’ve all gone through the same shit, so each and every brother should be respected and treated equally. No brother is better than another, and each can relate to their own experiences enduring the same forms of hazing. Pledgeship is the most common topic of discussion, and it provides some of the greatest memories of your lifetime.

Pointless Laughs

Alright, I’ll be honest, there’s probably a solid percentage of pledgeship that’s solely put forth for comedic purposes. Making a pledge chug a gallon of milk makes your quality beer gut jiggle in laughter, and lightens up the dinner-time mood. Hazing doesn’t have to be painful, or even miserable. Pointless laughs can be achieved through merely making a pledge sing a song. But hey, just about anything these days is considered hazing…

Necessity

This is important. Believe it or not, there are a few aspects of pledgeship that are vital to the well-being of brothers. As the designated drivers (also called pledge rides), pledges save the lives of those brothers who would without a doubt hop in the car and drive drunk if it weren’t for pledges. Even parents can agree with that one. Hazing can positively influence the lives of those around us. Designated driving is the perfect example.

Historical Education

If hazing didn’t exist, there wouldn’t be any reason for pledges to learn the history of the Brotherhood, nor any of the brothers’ names. Pledgeship, accompanied by the art of hazing, pushes pledges into scholarly beings. That sounds sophisticated, now doesn’t it? Not only will they be able to recite a quality fraternity anthem (just as important as the National Anthem, if not more), they’ll learn how to tap a keg, bar-tend, taxi, and so much more. College education at its best.

Boot Camp

We don’t want our pledges looking like the actors from Heavyweights, now do we? A few calisthenics never hurt anybody. Besides, who wouldn’t want to have a six-pack, and lose a few pounds? Pledgeship toughens you up, and improves your looks, seriously. It’s a mini-ROTC. A little sweat can go a long way. Sack up… it’s really not that bad.

So the next time someone asks you why we haze, you’ll have more than enough bullshit to pass around. Don’t let the common GDI or over-bearing parent rain on our parade. Hazing is a historic past-time, even greater than that of baseball. Protect it, preserve it, and preach it. God Bless all that is Greek life. Let’s never let a rushee enter the Brotherhood without paying his dues. It’s tradition, comedy, education, reality, unity, and most of all, fucking awesome.


It’s not hazing. It’s brotherhood.


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32 Responses to “Why We Haze”

  1. PledgeMaster says:

    Any good hazing stories?

  2. MindFucker says:

    it’s all about the mindfuck… it’s fucking hilarious to haze balls for no reason just to mess with their heads

  3. Anonymous says:

    Sororities haze too it’s definitely not just frats. And believe me, it’s hardcore

  4. Sorostitute says:

    yea… sorority chicks get hazed with presents and flowers. thats bullshit sororities cant even be mentioned with the word hazing

  5. Anonymous says:

    You want serious hazing join the Marine Corps

  6. Anonymous says:

    marines? We had a guy who did two tours then dropped our pledge program. too hardcore for the marine corps

  7. Anonymous says:

    Your a fucking idiot.You have no idea what hazing truly is until you go through marines. Every time you get your rank you get pinned right into your chest. When you get your blood stripe your legs get beat until you cant walk for days.If your fucking up you get your ass beat. College hazing is nothing

  8. anonymous says:

    my favorite hazing moment was when i was a pledge. during pledgeship we were allowed to “goat run” a brother. we tied him up and took him out to a field to haze the shit out of him for like 2 hours.

  9. Sam says:

    You think college hazing is worse than the marines? Ha ha ha you’re an idiot… The marines.. The few, the proud? I don’t think that’s what they call frat boys.

  10. Anonymous says:

    You guys are the reason why Greeks are looked down upon so much. I hope police bust your asses and throw you in jail for life.

  11. Build character in a pledge, not resentment says:

    Having gone through an extensive pledge program and a very skilled initiation… I have to really condemn people that “haze” for the sake of just being a dick.

    There are ways to build a fraternity and its initiation without directly hazing… candlelit ceremonies, periods of sensory deprivation, and playing with a pledges mind.

    You can do pledge events that challenge them to work as a group, for example a kidnap week where the pledges need to work together against actives.

    This stuff turns the process into a challenge, and it prevents the process from becoming abusive. You come away from it as a better person, not as someone resenting your fellow brothers for treating you like shit for a long time.

    The horrors of hazing that we’ve seen in so many news stories come from lazy actives who just abuse their pledges rather than putting the serious effort thats needed to make the pledge program work.

    I was fortunate enough to be with a fraternity that had the actives put an insane amount of attention to detail for their initiation, and while it was tough, it was also very rewarding too.

  12. Anonymous says:

    You guys are dumbasses. Designated Driver Programs and Fraternity/Sorority History Education Programs aren’t fucking hazing.

    As for the rest of your post, you guys prove exactly what’s wrong with society.

  13. Anonymous says:

    Dam right. The marines, the few the proud, the meatheads… then twenty year later the poor.
    Fraternities the smart, the drunk, the well sexed… then twenty years later the leaders of the country. Look up your favourite presidents or CEO’s on wikipedia and see if they were in a fraternity. Especially the republican leaders.

  14. Reality-Check says:

    I went through fours years of a fraternity and am now graduated with a career and a very good job thanks the networking though the fraternity. My first semester in the fraternity was a living hell and, like you, I justified it saying things like “tradition” and “you just don’t understand if you haven’t been through it”. These are childish answers given by someone who enjoys having power over others because in reality, he is insecure with himself. Pledgeship is the closest thing to indetured servitude but different in the fact that they are PAYING to go through this bullshit. At some point, you have to sit back and realize that there must be a better way than to treat another himan being like this. I had that revelation not too long ago and I can only hope that you realize the fallacy in your argument.

    Every single one of those reasons mentioned that support the act of hazing are the simply excuses that lack substance…let me explain:

    1. Tradition – you are an active member of your fraternity as an undergrad for up to 6 years (depending on when you join and how long it takes you to get your “basket weaving” degree)…you don’t know what tradition is….pledges don’t know what tradition is…

    I can take any pledge class and tell them “You have to do __________ in order to become a brother” Maybe it is something that the group has never done before but they don’t know the difference….they now think that it is the way it has ALWAYS been done and now we have….wait for it…a tradition….

    If you cannot explain the significance of the tradition…then it really isn’t that meaningful. Oh, and I am willing to bet that the guys that went through 10, 15, 20 years ago (or say maybe…your founding fathers) certainly did not go through the same process you describe).

    Fact: it only takes an average of 18 months for soemthing to be considered a “tradition” within a fraternity.

    Don’t waste my time with that childish B.S. answer

    2. Reality Check – when I started my first job, it was NOTHING like pledging..so don’t waste my time comparing it as such to justify your criminal activities. I wasn’t made to stand in line ups for hours on end being yelled at…I wasn’t called a worthless P.O.S. that would never amount to nothing…I wasn’t made to spend every waking moment of free-time at the office nor was I given 5 minutes to drop everything and run to the office for fear of being late and having to do wall-sits.

    If you are going to compare it to the “real-world” then make it like it is in the real world…not something to get your jollies off because you have such low self-esteem you ahve to degrade another human being….especially one that is probably paying more money that you to be apart of it that semester (I had to pay dues AND a pledging fee…)

    3. Personality Transformation – this is a natural part of the college experience…I certainly don’t need someone to “beat” the cockiness out of me…there are many other ways to acheive this goal so don’t hide behind this answer…

    4. Unity and Brother Commonality – All I have to say is that if you think HAZING builds BROTHERHOOD then you never really understood BROTHERHOOD in the first place. Brothers seem to have this misconception that when the pledge signs the dotted line and is made a full brother, a “magic wand” is waved and suddenly they are now your best friend…when in reality, that pledge probably resents you for the ridiculous B.S. that you put him through and now it will easily be another semester before he really finds that “brotherly bond”.

    “Hey, let me beat the crap out of you, mentally and physically, for the next 8-12 weeks then we can be more than friends…we can br brothers…cool?

    5. Pointless Laughs – the only thing in this article that is true….you haze the way you haze because you want to laugh at the expense of others…

    6. Necessity – you need pledge drivers from a risk management point of view…okay…you ALMOST had me…what do you do when you don’t have pledges? Drive drunk and die? Don’t pull that B.S. answer out. Fact of the matter is, if you really cared about a D.D. program and risk management, etc. you would have a brotherhood-wide D.D. program where the brothers and peldges are all assigned to driving nights because lets face it, you don’t always have pledges which means you have left a time period where apparently no one knows how to not drink drunk….

    7. Education – you can learn all of those things without being belittled, ridiculed and treated like crap…so again…flawed arguement…but hey, C+ for effort you scholarly being you…

    8. Boot Camp – if you want to be in boot camp, join the service and serve/protect our country. If you want to lose weight, then do it, you want to get in shape, then do it. There is nothing that calisthenics has to do with being in a fraternity except it is your way of “punishing” them…stop trying to pretend you give a crap about their being in shape…you do it because you know of no other way of holding them accountable.

    If you are going to post an article like this and in your signature state: Fuck Secrecy. Let People Know. then don’t lie to people to make yourself sound like God’s gift to the earth and please don’t continue to destroy what dignity fraternities have left by rationalizing the acts of hazing in such a childish and elementary way.

    people like you are the reason there are death’s every year due to hazing…people like you are the reason that chapters get closed while being sued for millions…people like you are why fraternities have to pay out the ass for insurance….
    REALITY CHECK – time to grow up and join the rest of civilized society…

    I appreciate tradition more than you will ever know…but the pointless hazing that is justified by tradition makes me sick.

    Did you join a fraternity to be a boy and do sophomoric things…or to be a man and become a leader?

  15. Anonymous says:

    Have fun looking back on your college years and realizing what a complete bag of shit you were. I pray that you don’t reproduce.

  16. Mays says:

    ALL that shit is fucking stuiped man hazing is to sooo go do somthing with ur fucking lifes

  17. Anonymous says:

    For all you hating on the marines….go fuck yourselves.

  18. Shaking my head says:

    Fraternities are filled with closeted homophobes acting out sadistic homoerotic fantasies and/or regressed childhood obsessions with bodily fluids.

    Love to see how most of you closet cases would fare in prison.

  19. Anonymous says:

    Hazing does nothing but ensure that men who regularly wouldn’t get a 2nd glance are given another day of glory. Playing it off as “tradition” or some bullshit. It’s nothing but your attempt to act like the “jock” or the “popular kid” from high school. A sick sense of entitlement that you can’t seem to get over from your high school days.

    My chapter of my fraternity has never hazed, and the men in that chapter stand taller than any other on campus, knowing that they don’t need that bullshit to be successful

    504, Proud to be a Phi

  20. Anonymous says:

    Haha, fraternities are for losers.

  21. USMC_College says:

    As a Prior Service Marine I can say that if this article is any indication of what college students today think brotherhood and camaraderie are then they have serious misunderstanding of the words true meanings. Brotherhood and Camaraderie are built through the trust that your fellow serviceman have your back when the shit hit’s the fan. Trust is not built by people with wiffle bats smacking each others ass’s. It’s built through time served together, and understanding of each others pains, difficulties, laughter’s, and joy’s. When someone in your unit has a child everyone knows, and shares in that happiness, when someone in your unit is fatally wounded, all members share that pain. The example of a fraternity laid forth in this article is shameful and lacks even a basic understanding of what the very word fraternal means.

    Semper Fi

  22. AT?NONYMOUS says:

    As a well educated active member of my chapter I agree that the fraternity values must be instilled in all of the fraternities members. I have served on exec board as well as in IFC and I believe I am educated properly to speak on this topic. Fraternal fellowship is a serious matter at my school and I would prefer it to be recognized and respected. We may all agree to disagree and I will respect your opinion and will never criticize anyone for having an opinion. And on behalf of all of my brothers nationwide I would like to say that we support our troops and respect their service. Being a part of a fraternity founded by ex-military men I may not understand what the service puts you through but I sure as HELL RESPECT IT and would never talk down on someone fighting for not only our lives but the freedom we all know and love. Show some patriotism. To all of my non Greek readers I respect your opinions but encourage you to keep an open mind. To all of my readers in the service, thank you for all that you do for our country. L&R

  23. Former devil dog says:

    I just got out of the Marine Corps and I’m going to college if 1 of these punk 22 year old to be nothing but drink where to even try this s*** on me they would find their jaw not the same location it started in.

  24. Anonymous says:

    You are such a giant douche-bag it’s unbelievable.

  25. tara emerson says:

    Sick, sick, sick. Disgusting male characteristics of dominance are clearly expressed in your website, which makes me want to be on the other side of the planet from you.

  26. Anonymous says:

    I agree with all the people who say you are a huge douche and disgusting. It’s true. All you’re doing is hurting people. unity in not formed through pain.

    This lifestyle that you live and believe in wont last. Enjoy is before you get exposed and punished by everyone who stands for human decency.

    Oh and past that you still have legal ramifications to deal with and not to mention karma.

  27. Anonymous says:

    I want to start off by saying that I give the utmost respect to those who serve our country, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, and I appreciate your perseverance in fighting for the freedom of America. This talk about hazing made me look back on my pledge semester. I read a post describing where a marines legs were beat to where he couldn’t walk for days. As much as that sucks, I understand the pain, similiar things happened to me. It was feet actually, my feet, along with my pledge brothers feet were paddled so badly that we couldn’t stand for days. My point is that I think as college students/fraternity men and marines we endure different types of hazing. Yes both types of hazing parallel one another. But fraternities have an entire process that has been structured to reshape an individual into a fraternity man, not unlike the hazing that I assume goes on in the marines. Fraternity hazing has more purpose to it. And you would be surprised to hear some of the shit that goes on with fraternities. There were times that I honestly don’t know how it could have gotten worse, being waterboarded with gallons of hotsauce and vinegar while tied down in pools of me and my pledge brothers shit, puke and piss for hours, then not being able to see for days because of the blood coming from our eyes, and dislocating my shoulder while struggling to free myself from the ropes was probably a low point. Or having to eat so many onions and garlic that I couldn’t get my gums to stop bleeding was pretty bad. I had three broken bones while pledging, it was expected that everyone break at least one bone or we weren’t “giving it our all”. and getting beat isn’t only a marines thing, I pissed blood from my kidney’s being in such bad condition my entire duration of pledging. Just because you’re a marine doesn’t mean you got it worse than us. There was a marine in my pledge class as well. He was the second to drop because he couldn’t take it anymore. Before you lead you have to learn how to follow. Before you can be respected you have to know how to respect. Before you are built up you have to know how it feels to be at the lowest point you can possibly hit.

  28. nice person says:

    ass hole much? hazing is for DOUCHEBAGS what is wrong with you if you do that to a person and what is wrong with you if you let someone do that to you? i mean really!! the people who haze are going to be SOOOO fucked up when they grow up and get to the real world. grow a fucking brain please. must be such a disapointment to your parents and family. they gave love and time and money and their own lives to raise you and this is how you repay them? by being an idiot?!

  29. heyy.. says:

    i still don’y understand, i mean there was one point where a guy even died to what you idiots call ‘brotherhood’, are you guys fucking stupid, its dangerous and stupid. so don’t feed us that bullshit that its a brotherhood and loyalty, its sad and sick. They paid to have themselves looked after and this is how you deem to repay them, by having them beaten or drinking alcohol, making them exceed the legal amount. shame on you fucking foods

  30. Alex says:

    Brotherhood is not the same as getting drunk and having sex, moron. Your american fraternities disgust me, and you (the author of “Why We Haze”) are a fool. A semi-eloquent fool, but a fool none the less. Fuck your fraternity, and your entire idea of what a university education should be.

  31. Kevin says:

    A US Marine is truly fucking hazed. I’m serving at the moment as a field artillery cannoneer, and went through all of the hazing my fellow devil dogs had in store with me.
    At the same time, everyone of my best friends is in a frat, and they can completely vouch that a frats hazing is a fucking joke.
    Here is the thing to all of you stupid fucks that compare MY brotherhood to whatever the fuck you want to call a frat. If brotherhood is getting your buddy laid and hooking him up with a drink, so be it. But don’t ever think for one second that motherfucker would ever die for you, take a bullet, or ever protect you from real danger, and I’m not talking about a fucking bar fight.
    That’s when you know you have a real sense of brotherhood. Also, you think we’re deprived of sex, booze, or fun? The marine corps was born in a fucking bar back in 1775, Tun Tavern. We were born to kill, drink, and fuck. And for those saying that you’ve had a marine drop from your pledge program, consider these options, 1) he may have been in a bitch ass M.O.S like field cook or Communications or Administration, OR, 2) If he was a true marine he would have seen how much of a fucking joke a frat’s “brotherhood” is and realized he would never be able to downgrade to something like that.

    It comes down to a group of angry and secretly gay dudes being compared to the world’s finest fighting force. Why do you think we are the FEW, and the PROUD. Any frat would never be able to compare to us.

  32. Alice says:

    What a load of idiotic meatheads. No wonder fraternities are seen as a total joke by the rest of the world. You’d have to be mildly retarded to even consider joining one.


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