Pledgeship remains shitty for many reasons, but one more than any other: the Brotherhood uses their pawns for all they’re worth. Pawns…pledges…same thing. In other words, pledges aren’t pointlessly hazed (well, most of the time). We’re not talking about making a pledge wipe a brother’s ass after he shits. Although that might be productive and useful, it’s not where we’re going with this. There are countless ways to make your college life better than ever, all thanks to our little helpers. Our friends over at College Party Guru made it happen, filling us in on all the greatest ways a college party can benefit from those naive youngsters fighting to join the greatest Greek community on earth. You ask why pledging sucks? Well here are just a few of the countless reasons. Just remember, pledges do what they do for the end result of being able to do such things to others. Make sense? It’s an endless list. Cheers to being mind-fucked.
As previously mentioned, pledgeship doesn’t hark upon pointless hazing as much as you’d think. There are motives, and the Brotherhood can benefit in countless ways. Here’s a quick run-down of the various tasks that pledges can undertake, all directly benefiting those around them:
– Party planners
- Frat stars aren’t made to properly coordinate events, we just tell people what to do.
– Party set-up
- They better make it good.
– Party clean-up
- Well that’s just obvious.
– Designated drivers
- For parties, girlfriends, groceries…
- This is when they’ll wipe my dog’s ass.
- It’s college, shit happens. Wear a condom.
– Personal servants
- They need to impress you.
- No one goes to class these days.
- It’s not cheating. It’s brotherhood.
– Active participants
- For mandatory meetings, classes, events, fundraisers that you don’t wanna wake up for.
The point stands pretty damn clear. Pledges make life easy, and can make life a fucking cakewalk if you do it right. I could go on, and on, and on if necessary. These aren’t pointless tasks. As much as we’d love to watch pledges freeze in the snow, do pushups all night long or chug a gallon of milk, there are more productive ways to haze. Let’s not forget that fraternities are educational facilities. They teach so much more than what can be read in a textbook. Like drug experimentation, alcohol taste testing, sex education and so much more. Our buddies over at CollegePartyGuru know how it works, and they’d be more than happy to educate you on how exactly you can utilize a handful of pledges to make your college rager better than ever. From party themes, to college drinking games, there’s always more to learn on how to make your frat life more experienced.
But hey, we won’t leave you empty-handed. Let’s give a run-down on what exactly you can make a pledge do that has absolutely no impact on your life whatsoever. Well, other than pure enjoyment:
– Raw onion-eating contest
- Make ‘em eat.
– Liquid chugging contest
- Make ‘em chug (everything from milk to beer).
– Nightly concerts
- A nice song at dinner will suffice.
– Elephant Walk
- I’m kidding… absolutely not. Seriously, no.
– Pointless Calisthenics
- Pushups, wall-sits, pull-ups, and even the glorious “bows and toes”
- Line ‘em up, and knock ‘em down with whatever you desire
Seriously, I could go on all day… Just use ‘em for what they’re worth, okay? They’re pledges, and they’ve signed away their dignity for a semester, so fucking make it worth your while. Taking advantage of pledges is the entire point of pledgeship. If you don’t haze, you don’t have a brotherhood. Cheers to CollegePartyGuru for the brainstorm.
Ever take advantage of a pledge?
Sound off in the comments.
We wanna hear it.
It’s not hazing. It’s brotherhood.