Taking Advantage of Pledges

Posted on 08 January 2011

Pledgeship remains shitty for many reasons, but one more than any other: the Brotherhood uses their pawns for all they’re worth. Pawns…pledges…same thing. In other words, pledges aren’t pointlessly hazed (well, most of the time). We’re not talking about making a pledge wipe a brother’s ass after he shits. Although that might be productive and useful, it’s not where we’re going with this. There are countless ways to make your college life better than ever, all thanks to our little helpers. Our friends over at College Party Guru made it happen, filling us in on all the greatest ways a college party can benefit from those naive youngsters fighting to join the greatest Greek community on earth. You ask why pledging sucks? Well here are just a few of the countless reasons. Just remember, pledges do what they do for the end result of being able to do such things to others. Make sense? It’s an endless list. Cheers to being mind-fucked.

As previously mentioned, pledgeship doesn’t hark upon pointless hazing as much as you’d think. There are motives, and the Brotherhood can benefit in countless ways. Here’s a quick run-down of the various tasks that pledges can undertake, all directly benefiting those around them:

Party planners

  • Frat stars aren’t made to properly coordinate events, we just tell people what to do.

Party set-up

  • They better make it good.

Party clean-up

  • Well that’s just obvious.

Designated drivers

  • For parties, girlfriends, groceries…

Pet-sitters

  • This is when they’ll wipe my dog’s ass.

Baby-sitters

Personal servants

  • They need to impress you.

Note-takers

  • No one goes to class these days.

Test-takers

  • It’s not cheating. It’s brotherhood.

Active participants

  • For mandatory meetings, classes, events, fundraisers that you don’t wanna wake up for.

The point stands pretty damn clear. Pledges make life easy, and can make life a fucking cakewalk if you do it right. I could go on, and on, and on if necessary. These aren’t pointless tasks. As much as we’d love to watch pledges freeze in the snow, do pushups all night long or chug a gallon of milk, there are more productive ways to haze. Let’s not forget that fraternities are educational facilities. They teach so much more than what can be read in a textbook. Like drug experimentation, alcohol taste testing, sex education and so much more. Our buddies over at CollegePartyGuru know how it works, and they’d be more than happy to educate you on how exactly you can utilize a handful of pledges to make your college rager better than ever. From party themes, to college drinking games, there’s always more to learn on how to make your frat life more experienced.

But hey, we won’t leave you empty-handed. Let’s give a run-down on what exactly you can make a pledge do that has absolutely no impact on your life whatsoever. Well, other than pure enjoyment:

Raw onion-eating contest

  • Make ‘em eat.

Liquid chugging contest

  • Make ‘em chug (everything from milk to beer).

Nightly concerts

  • A nice song at dinner will suffice.

Elephant Walk

  • I’m kidding… absolutely not. Seriously, no.

Pointless Calisthenics

  • Pushups, wall-sits, pull-ups, and even the glorious “bows and toes”

Bowling

  • Line ‘em up, and knock ‘em down with whatever you desire

Seriously, I could go on all day… Just use ‘em for what they’re worth, okay? They’re pledges, and they’ve signed away their dignity for a semester, so fucking make it worth your while. Taking advantage of pledges is the entire point of pledgeship. If you don’t haze, you don’t have a brotherhood. Cheers to CollegePartyGuru for the brainstorm.

Ever take advantage of a pledge?

Sound off in the comments.

We wanna hear it.

It’s not hazing. It’s brotherhood.

Spread The Word:

12 Responses to “Taking Advantage of Pledges”

  1. PledgeMaster says:

    Let’s hear your moments… you ever take advantage?

  2. ATO says:

    as long as there’s no gay shit making a pledge do whatever is priceless

  3. SigPi says:

    Wall sits and chugging mad dogs was one of my favorite activities.

  4. FratStar says:

    Designated drivers are what they are best for…

  5. Anonymous says:

    Wow! I am proud to say that my organization does not make us do that SMFH at all the mainstream orgs that do that useless stupid shit to make pledges join. I’m thankful I belong to a different culture of Greek Life.

    Black/Latino Greek Member

  6. NALFO says:

    Nah, this is sad. Mainstream orgs got pledging all wrong. SMFH

  7. Anonymous says:

    when the pledges piss me off i always just make them stand against the wall with their chin up on the wall, leave them there for like 20 min and their neck starts to hurt real bad and when girl r over the house they all laugh at them and its real embarrassing best punishment ever.

  8. Laterica says:

    shiiiit I’ll fight a bitch if they try some shit like that with me

  9. fuck frats says:

    wtf is wrong with people….

  10. HawaiianPike says:

    I do not follow the modern mentality of “hazing is wrong” if only for the simple fact that I was hazed and I survived. Hell I even look back on pledge-ship with a small smile at times, but hazing serves a purpose. Not for making our lives easier, per say (though it can be an added benefit) but so they grow closer together as friends and as brothers.

  11. superloki says:

    “Just remember, pledges do what they do for the end result of being able to do such things to others.” That would not work for me. Revenge should be inflicted on the individuals who committed the act on me, not some guy who never did me any harm,. But that probably doesn’t make sense to you. I never signed any agreement to be humiliated – believe me I read it carefully. I tried, I really did, went through it, made it, but I never grew close to those assholes as friends or brothers. There was no connection for me. The others felt it. I came to despise those who hazed me. Especially one skinny dude who smiled the most during the thing; my hatred for him was extreme and I let him know it. I left it before the of the year my own volition. I did just fine with life and I have much better friends.

  12. Reagan says:

    We had to line up by dick size biggest to smallest in front of sorority girls, but we had our clothes on. The dick size had been determined earlier haha, but yeah we would have to line-up so they all know who the little guys were.

    Nothing really came of this except the smallest guy in my pledge class ended up with the short end of the stick x 2 because his gf started getting RAILED after that. One of our big bro’s actually convinced the lil guy that they should “tag-team” the lil guy’s girl friend and he agreed. It might’ve started as a tag-team but eventually lil dude just ended up getting front row seats to his girl getting some of that DEEP dick lol


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