Legitimacy Factor: Long Dick of the Law

Posted on 10 September 2011

While #1 Animal House inspired colleges everywhere to achieve the most prestigious Greek-life possible, it also laid the framework for the shitty realities of life: #29 Anti-Hazing Douchebags. Society looks down upon fraternities just as America looks down upon Marijuana. When it comes to hazing, no fraternity can be legitimized unless it crosses paths with the long dick of the law.

What exactly  am I talking about? I’m talking about #15 Brotherhood Haters: Fuck the Police. Yet, in a weird way, if your fraternity hasn’t somehow gotten involved with the law, you’re probably not partying, hazing or fucking hard enough. It’s like Lil Wayne going to jail. Yea, it sucks, but it makes him even more badass. Anyways, when it comes to fraternities, pledgeship throws a whole new ball of risk into the mix. The normal worries of “Minors in Possession” or “Driving under the Influence” become mere hiccups in the larger picture. If you haven’t read our In The News section, check it out. You’ll get a sour taste of what I’m talking about.

The #23 Top 10 Hazing Scandals and Stories paints the perfect picture. Pledgeship can go wrong, and no longer can mommy and daddy protect you. This is serious shit, and they’ll throw your ass in jail for it. So, #41 Why Do We Haze, if the risk is so great? We do it because it’s exactly what they don’t want us to do. 10 bucks says that the amount of alcohol consumption of 18-21 year olds would decrease if the legal drinking age were 18. And 10 bucks says less people would smoke marijuana in the long-run if it were legalized in America. Lastly, 10 bucks says hazing wouldn’t be so fucking bad if it wasn’t already taboo in society. It’s a matter of principle. Like anything in life, if something is illegal, there’s going to be a black market for it.

Anyways, the fact still remains. Hazing is “bad”, and the Long Dick of the Law stands ready and willing to fuck you if the opportunity arises. Now more than ever, secrecy is the most important factor of pledgeship. When the day does come when your fraternity stands before the chubby fellows with a badge, stand up straight and take it like a man. Each and every fraternity needs to brush arms with the law a time or two. It’s a legitimacy factor, and it reminds you just how badass your life of partying, hazing, fucking and so-on has and always will be.

 

It’s not hazing. It’s brotherhood.

 

 

 

 

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4 Responses to “Legitimacy Factor: Long Dick of the Law”

  1. PledgeMaster says:

    Your fraternity ever been fucked by the cops?

  2. POST raid says:

    33 minors busted along with 1 former department chair- The week before we caused a Mini Riot every cop in town had to show up! So yeah we had it coming.

  3. A physician and mother says:

    It boggles the mind how absolutely stupid and DELUSIONAL you people are! Do you really believe that dishing out degradation, humiliation, and assault or “getting fucked” makes you smarter? more attractive? more desired? or more valuable? Listen here you idiotic little pudknocker! THE PRISONS ARE FULL OF REAL LIFE BADASSES THAT YOUR PUNY SINGLE DIGIT IQ IS DELUDING YOURSELF INTO BELIEVING. Here is a big ole fat dose of reality for you all – Daddies are now sitting in their cars watching fraternity parties in Texas, Kansas, W. Virginia, and Florida. From what I hear it is an actual organization that is spreading like wildfire among the “secret society of parenthood.” In one hand is Daddy’s cell phone on quick dial to the chief of police….and in the other hand is Daddy’s pistol…and YES…DAD WILL HAPPILY GO TO JAIL FOR DEFENDING ANY DRUNK GIRL FROM ANY OF YOU ILLITERATE, DELUSIONAL, PERSONALITY DISORDERED PUSSIES! Check your state laws dumbasses (if you can read)-A DRUNK OR IMPAIRED PERSON CANNOT LEGALLY GIVE CONSENT you little weiner suckers! You try to have sex with a girl who is visibly impaired and an observant Daddy SEES YOU ATTEMPTING TO LEAD A DRUNKEN GIRL INTO THE “fratcastle of termite infestation” then you are going to meet the kind of man you only pretend to be.

    So go ahead with your stupid little sad “pledgeship” but if you are looking to get fucked….bend over and let your beloved fraternity brothers give you want you are needing.

    For the particular writer of this article…..I THINK GOD HAS A SPECIAL PLACE IN HELL FOR YOU….but first you get a loooong life of flunking out of college, trying to feel good about being a Wal-Mart associate, living in poverty, becoming an alcoholic, have a wife and children who DESPISE YOUR SORRY, DELUSIONAL, DUMBASS, PATHETIC LOSER ass. But enjoy your big delusion for a semester or two.

    God your mother must be so ashamed that you are her son. Seriously.

  4. Matt says:

    I’d love to sit and talk shop in:re domming/sadism vs hazing. I live a normal life and didn’t pledge but I do dom. One of my domination specialties is homophobes with abnormally large dicks… you feel like the man until it hits balls deep and I am holding your ass up because you can’t handle the real thing and it is funny to see the morphing from “I hate homos” to “I just hate homos, not bi people” to “it’s bi if it is two guys and nobody is a homo, right? I might be bisexual but I am culturally homophobic myself so, I don’t judge.

    However, I find great use in other practical things like replaying Celine Dion, Britney Spears etc. And I am not anti hazing. But just know, even with a line of you, you homophobic straight men have zero control when it morphs into wanting to hang out 24/7 and do things on the side etc. I never get why you never want some hot bi girls in on it. The ones I know love it. And I started this shit in middle school and still do it as an adult when single.

    But really, why not??? the types who love it all they can are endowed in a way to make it hard to fuck sometimes. And you are always hot and your cum tastes awesome. Of course, don’t defetishize it and pull that “I think I am coming out” shit because you will fail that one unless you have already fucked me and made me cum more than once without me touching my hands. I am not a real faggot but I have that level with some guys.


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