The Future Frat-Star

Posted on 14 March 2011

Ever wonder where the brotherhood originates? I lose sleep over this exact question every night. With every new year comes a brand new batch of collegiate freshman. Fresh out of high school, a new line of guys enter the system to one day take the place of those today. Although pledgeship perfects those who are willing and able to join the greatest brotherhood on earth, the fraternal seed has to be planted way before leaving mommy and daddy. The under-performing brothers are those who only consider pledging once they’ve graduated. We’re talking about the future frat-stars here, those guys in high school who know their path, and get one hell of a head start before their balls drop. They’re unique, and they’re the leaders that each fraternity strives to grab during rush.

You go through a shit-ton of phases in your life. From diapers to sports to women, you never stop molding the person you’re destined to become. In that respect, there are a handful of guys each year who develop their true calling at an early age. These glorious saviors are known as future frat-stars. These guys know from an early age that a specific fraternity awaits them in due time. Fuck everything else, it’s all about the brotherhood. With every fad that runs across the country, they dust it off their shoulders. No fad can replace a future frat-star. What exactly makes a future frat-star?

Player:

The future frat-star pulls ass like it’s his job. As early as 8th grade, he knows what his dick is for, and he uses it accordingly. Preparing for the onslaught of sorostitutes is key in frat-star development. When you’re pounding everything around you at an early age, you’ve got potential.

 

Alcoholic-In-Training:

It’s one thing to drink under-aged, and it’s a completely different thing to grab a brew in your early teens. Future frat-stars acquire the taste of beer at an early age, and develop their drinking habits quickly. You need to build your immunity, and learn how to funnel. It’s key in college.

Frat Attire:

Hollister? American Eagle? Fuck no. It’s all about Polos, Khaki’s, a visor and a quality pair of boat shoes. A future frat-star invests in his attire, and looks clean at all times. No baggy shit, emo black or flashy jewelry. It’s about the look.

Priorities:

You’ve got to know what’s important, and what’s not. Grades? Fuck it. As long as you’re getting into a university with a quality Greek-life, you’re all set. Girlfriend? Unless it’s your smokin’ hot English teacher, never succumb to getting locked down. Life is short, so fuck a lot.

The details can be hammered down, but you get the picture. The future frat-star is the high school stud who knows his pathway in life. He’ll live the dream for a minimum of 4 years, and will definitely pledge as a freshman in the fall. Future frat-stars are rare, and can only be seen by current brothers. At some point in time the keys to the castle must be given to those below you. Make sure each pledge class is as kick-ass as possible to preserve the brotherhood. God Bless future frat-stars, they’re the life of fraternities.

It’s not hazing. It’s brotherhood.

 


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10 Responses to “The Future Frat-Star”

  1. PledgeMaster says:

    Know any future frat-stars?

  2. Drew says:

    im a tenth grader. definitely going to rush!

  3. DrewSucks says:

    Drew, you are such a god damn GDI.

  4. Rawlings says:

    Whoever wrote this is a total try-hard

  5. wildman says:

    pussys

  6. DrewsClit says:

    go suck a fat one Drew.

  7. fuckdrew says:

    Drew your a GDI fuck pussy!!

  8. @drewsucks says:

    you are a fucking idiot. You just said that he was a god damn god damn independent.

  9. W. says:

    Drew, HIT IT MOTHERFUCKER!!! after hitting it for 3 hours and 47 minutes straight, drink 3 gallons of hot sauce, a gallon of vinegar, and 3 cans of silkworm chrysalises. If you haven’t puked at least 3 times, shit your pants once, and if your dick is not on fire (put all of that shit in a pile in a bathroom, one that has a shower) than drink/eat some more of that stuff then shower in hot sauce for an hour. Now drop down and give me 20… 20 more. What’s the capital of Sri Lanka? WRONG BITCH, the answer is it doesn’t matter it’s not in America. Now Think about why you got that Answer wrong for the next hour in shards of broken glass, bows and toes bitch. Every time you drop stick a bamboo shoot up your fingernail. Go find that pile of shit puke and piss from earlier. Lock yourself in the bathroom and turn the shower on as hot as it goes, DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT TURNING IT OFF! Your head goes in the shit pile thats your bed for the night now go to sleep, I better not hear a single sound coming from that room or you won’t be getting any food for the next week. Time all this so by the time you go to bed it’s around 4 am. Wake up at 5:32 and 14 seconds recite the entire constitution, if you get it wrong take that shit pile put it in a toilet and give yourself a swirlie. After you’re done that go make breakfast, Egg and canadian bacon sandwhiches. WHY THE FUCK DID YOU MAKE CANADIAN BACON… IT’S CANADIAN, WE DON’T SUPPORT THOSE COMMUNIST FUCKS, USE YOUR HEAD YOU SHITSTAIN! THROW THOSE SANDWHICHES ON YOURSELF AND START THE FUCK OVER… regular bacon this time! I SWEAR TO GOD DREW IF YOU FUCK ANY OF THIS UP YOU’RE SO FUCKED! DON’T TALK BACK MOTHERFUCKER!

  10. DrewisaGDI says:

    Drew you trying to pledge in those cargo shorts?


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