“You’ll be subjected to hazing all your life.” – Martin Luther

“It’s good for them. It embarrasses a little, but relieves them a lot. Makes them part of the group.” — the late Vince Lombardi on rookie hazing.

“Pledge attire is life attire. Overall, pledging is a lifestyle.”

“If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have $49.00 today. If you purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG, you would have $33.00. If you purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers, you would have $0.00 today. But, if you purchased $1,000 worth of beer, drank all the [...]

“No means yes! Yes means anal!” — DKE Pledges (Yale University)

“Osama Bin Laden wasn’t killed by any ordinary #18 GDI. That would never happen. The proud marine responsible for the bullet in his head was a worthy frat-star back in the day. No surprise there, the Wall Street Journal reports.”

“There’s always a pledge class bitch: the guy no one likes, the same guy that every brother fucks with the most.”

“No matter how big of a hard-ass you are, initiation might bring a tear to your eye. You’ve survived the hardest semester of your life; you deserve to show a little emotion.”

We’ll take a page out of the Brotherhoods’ favorite piece of art, Animal House: Otter: Flounder, I am appointing you pledge representative to the social committee. Flounder: Gee Otter, thanks. What do I have to do? Otter: It means you have to drive us to the Food King.

“Pledgeship parallels a glorified ROTC. The yelling, physicality and mental torture seem all too similar. Such hardship forces unity, and makes you respect your letters when all is said and done.”

“Some college overachievers garner their degree in the typical fields of real-world bullshit. Yet, only the best graduate with an Honors Degree in Fratting. Others might call it Fraternal Education, with minors in Keg Stands, Sex Education and Alcohol Consumption. Either way, the classes along the way are priceless.”

“Don’t let Rush fool you. The Brotherhood puts on a glorious front, all for the sake of recruitment. All the beer, liquor and women in the world will be thrown your way. But alas, the Brotherhood might be nice now, but in due time, you’ll be their bitch.”

“This New Year, let’s take a moment to cherish our abilities to haze balls without going to jail. The Brotherhood always wins.” Amateur “I Hate Pledges” video after the jump. Why would someone put time into this?

“Pledgeship is the best time you’ll never want to have again. It’s a semester-long party of losing your virginity, except you’re the one getting fucked.”

“Cold weather unifies a pledge class like nothing else. A frosty dip in the pool at 30-degrees never hurt anybody, right? With snow in hand, hazing just got a whole lot more interesting.”

You join a frat for three main reasons: 1) To be a bro 2) To party 3) To get laid Prioritize them in any way you’d like, there’s no wrong answer.

Choosing a fraternity during rush is complicated. It’s a week-long version of speed dating. Yet, unlike blind dates, there’s always a fraternity that fits you. There’s no excuse to be a GDI.

“Pledges have unwritten power. By ratting on the brotherhood for hazing, a pledge can successfully cancel pledgeship altogether. Did I mention the added incentive? The pledge also digs himself his own grave. Seriously. There’s nothing worse a pledge could possibly do. So don’t do it.”

Walking around campus in pledge attire is like waving a giant red flag. You mine-as-well have a shirt that says “I’m a bitch of the brotherhood, and I’m paying for my friends”.

“Getting hammered is an essential component of pledgeship. When you find yourself holding your pledge brother’s fuck-stick during an elephant walk, you better hope you’re shitfaced.”  

Pledging a fraternity is like buying a hooker. You get fucked, then fucked some more. But in the end, you’re literally paying for it.

“As a rookie brother, hazing a pledge is like making love for the first time. It’s always awkward at first, but practice makes perfect. Your manly essence thanks you for your guilty pleasure.”

“The brotherhood awaits the newest set of pledges like it’s the night before Christmas. Each present comes with special features, such as designated driving, personal catering and unified hazing.”

“Pledgeship is like a rainbow. Pledges do everything in their power to find the brotherhood’s pot of gold. It’s fucking beautiful in the eyes of the brothers. The pledges fuck themselves over all the way to the other end.”

“The Pledge Class President takes the most fingers up the ass. He’s like Obama. The only difference revolves around the final result: once a PCP’s term is complete, he actually has some form of respect.”

“The overachieving pledge is the guy to call when you really need something done. Need a condom in less than ten minutes before she passes out? He’ll be there, with three different kinds to choose from.”

“If chicks were as easy as pledges to get mind-fucked, then we’d all be paying child support.”