Also known as GDI’s, Anti-Hazing Douchebags are all those opposed to the sacred ritual of hazing a pledge’s balls off. Who would ever disagree with such time-honored tradition? But hey, we can always embark upon ropes courses, trust falls and pledge class dinners to build unity, right? Fuck no, that’s not an option. All those opposed to the manly essence that is pledgeship should stop wasting their time worrying about the frat life they’ll never be able to live. Don’t rain on our parade of alcohol, women and hazing, that’s just not cool.
There are countless websites out there that rival our sacred tradition of pledgeship. Don’t let the “Pledging Sucks” title lead you down the wrong path. The Brotherhood loves pledging, but yea, it fucking sucks. There’s definitely a difference between bitching and picketing. Anyways, let’s take a look at some of the classiest anti-hazing sites out there today. While all stand different in their own unique ways, they mutually share the title of an Anti-Hazing Douchebag website:
- Incorporates a fascinating “Did You Know?” section that tallies the unluckiest pledging horror stories in history. Go fuck yourselves, you’re all just pessimists. Let’s look at the glass half full, shall we? Think about it, there’s like a 99.9% survival rate through pledgeship. That’s damn good!
- Has a classy slogan: “Educating to eliminate hazing.” Wow, it rhymes!
- Also has a Pro-hazing email section. Now that’s what I’m talking about.
- 44 states have laws against hazing. Yea… and 38 states banned marijuana. Let’s give credit to the rebels, shall we? 6 states understand the unity of pledgeship, and 12 states just wanna get stoned. Cheers to that.
The GDI Bill: Of course the anti-hazing douchebags do their best to prevent a quality bro from gaining an education. Let’s all just kick a guy in the nuts and take away his funding…
Federal Hazing Prohibition Act of 2003:
To amend the Higher Education Act of 1965 to withhold Federal student financial assistance from students who have engaged in hazing, and for other purposes. Oh yea, and they forgot to tell you that THIS BILL NEVER BECAME A LAW. The brotherhood always wins.
To sum it all up, those who join a frat know exactly what they’re getting into. They signed up, and they wanted it in the first place. The door is always open, and no pledge is asked to pull the trigger. All those opposed to the greatest unity tradition in history can go fuck themselves. Mind your own business, and we’ll mind ours. You’re not a mortar for a just cause, you’re merely an Anti-Hazing Douchebag.
It’s not hazing. It’s brotherhood.